A Big Scary Mountain

A bit like Raskolnikov, I have spent too much time in bed, too much time focusing on why I am sad and too little time focusing on how to change my current state.  Fortunately, unlike Raskolnikov this glumness is not an every day affair.  I was sad one day and in Amsterdam -- which by the way is a wonderful city with wonderful people -- the next.  I woke up after coming home from Amsterdam and again felt like Raskolnikov.  I struggled to find the motivation to get out of bed and feed myself and then I went to Berlin to wander around, looked at some cool shops and ate some food.  I was active, I was better.  I went to sleep that night knowing that I had a party the next day with a beautiful girl from my school.  I was good.  The party went well and the after-party was almost all I could ask for.   I went to sleep at the beautiful girls house and was good.  The next morning we had breakfast and she walked me to the train station -- I was okay.  That day, yesterday, I was down again.  Maybe it was because things hadn't gone perfectly with the girl.  Regardless, I spent the rest of the day watching english media or reading english news.  I went to sleep okay.   I woke up today, ate something and went on a run with my host mother Steffi.  I feel good again.  And I should feel good;  I am in one of the coolest parts of Germany -- and Europe for that matter -- with one of the coolest families and becoming friends with some of the coolest people.

Sometimes I wont feel good.  Maybe it is because of the downtime or the lack of companionship or maybe it is just because I forget this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience and that sadness is a part of it.  Whatever the reason is, I cannot let myself forget: without the lows one can never truly appreciate the highs.

In one of my many orientations for this program, we were introduced to the concept of 'the roller coaster.'  To summarize, we will have many ups and downs, good days and bad days.  Furthermore, one shouldn't worry about the downs, they should worry about finding their way back up again.  And this concept is not false, however I would like to propose another idea.  Instead of the many ups and downs of a roller coaster, perhaps we have only one long up and one too quick down.  We are like cyclists or skateboarders trying to get to a mountains peak; the way up is too long and too hard and the way down is too quick and unbelievably great.  We are always going up and we are always fighting to find strength, to find motivation, to fight the sadness that comes from being away from home, to fight the desire to give up.  We are always going to be a little bit sad until we reach the top.  Until we are no longer missing home because we have a new home.  Until we are no longer missing our friends and our partner because we have new friends and new partners.  Until we are coasting down the hill in perfect bliss, overcome with joy, we will have sadness.  Our muscles will be sore and we will be tired but when we find ourselves on the other side of the mountain, exhausted and exuberant we will be better for it.

P.S.  The quality of writing is not the best but I felt like I had to write something.  So  please message me if you have any stylistic critiques.

And as always please feel free to comment.  What to you think about my mountain model?  How does that compare to your exchange experiences?  If you haven't been on an exchange, how do you think this relates to other aspects of you life?

How's Germany?

So this post is inspired by Geneva who sent me a message asking: 'how's Germany?'   This is not an easy question so, as opposed to my other blogposts, I will go about answering this rather systematically.

Where:  I am living in Kleinmachnow.  It is  a town equidistant between Berlin and Potsdam.  I go to school in Potsdam but try to spend as much time in Berlin as possible.  Kleinmachnow is not quite urban, yet it is far from what many consider to be the typical isolated american (USA) suburb.  I am able to bike to two train stations, many grocery stores, a pharmacy, an ophthalmologist, a gym and just about everything one might need.  The public transportation is amazing, things run on time and take you where you need and want to go... so glorious.   So yeah, thats where I am.

What:  I am attending a gymnasium (highest level of German secondary school) and until this week I was attending German courses in Berlin.  I am here on a jointly sponsored program by the US-Congress and the German Bundestag; however the program is operated by the American Field Service (AFS) now just AFS International as it is no longer solely American.  The overarching goal of AFS is to prevent another world war by promoting peace and understanding through personal connections created during exchange years.  The program that sponsors my time here, Congress Bundestag Youth Exchange (CBYX) has a stated purpose of strengthening ties between the US and Germany through citizen diplomacy.  So one might say I am a cultural ambassador.  I am one of 250, students selected annually throughout the US, here in Germany to hopefully give the US a better image by sharing our culture while assimilating into the culture of my host community.  So I go to school, make friends and represent (in the realest way possible).  Aside from all that stuff I am here to learn a new language and a new culture; I am here to make life long friends and have -- one can only hope -- the time of a my life.

Who:  I am living with an amazing family.  They are all super... Hucky plays roller hockey, mountain bikes, kite surfs and windsurfs.  Steffi does everything but instead of roller hockey she plays field hockey.  Mats (the son and my Didi) is also plays field hockey, skateboards, kite and windsurfs.  Also my cousin Lina is cool (and really loves FC Union).  Oh and I'm sure Finn (the elder son who is in the States right now and whom I don't really know) is also cool.   Long story short I am part of a super duper family.  Side note: sorry for the brevity and poor quality of the writing in this paragraph. I am in a rush and will write a separate entry about my new family later.  :)

How:  As for how I'm doing I can only say good, with the hope that with time, hard work and struggle things will be splendiferous.